Finding My Focus Through Life’s Chaos
So lately I’ve been shying away from writing on my blog because I don’t feel as though I am being true to myself or my writing. Don’t get me wrong the few post that I’ve published are all true but I feel as though besides showcasing my struggles with depression and anxiety, I’ve been trying to keep everything on my blog completely positive. And in the midst of the positivity I lose myself in the choas by not keeping it real with myself and everyone else.
I mean for goodness sake, I am a wife and working mother of 5! My house consists of 1 teenage son (soon to be 14 in a couple weeks), two preteen daughters (1 is almost 13 and 1 almost 12), and also 8 and 6yr old little girls as well! My husband and I have been together 15 years and married for 13. We are definitly each other’s best friend yet we can also be each other’s worst enemies (not really but we definitely drive each other crazy from time to time!) lol. Oh and I can’t forget our beautiful yet annoying fur baby Kaiden, he is a 2yr old golden retriever mix. So yeah, did I mention that my life is pretty much always hectic and full of chaos!
There is never a dull moment in the house and when there is, it either means the kids are away or silently tearing some shit up! Haha! My family is everything to me but man does life get hard to handle sometimes, and many of those times I nor my husband have any answers on how to tame the chaos but we do our best to make it through.
I hate that I stayed away from my blog for so long and neglected my writing but to be honest this mama has been completely exhausted! Transitioning to my new job title and dealing with everyday struggles has been overwhelming and once I get home all I want to do is fall asleep on the couch. Believe me when I say I dread those days the most! However, my children make sure that whatever strength and energy I have left is spent all on them and I don’t blame them not one bit. They help me to remember to just be thankful throughout the struggles of life and for that alone I am grateful for their compassion and unconditional love!
Yeah, I know being positive and spreading positivity is a great thing but there are so many times that I am a complete wreck and mess yet I don’t share those post because I am afraid of what people may think. I am afraid to show that I am human and I know that that defeats the whole point and purpose of my blog. However, I am tired of hiding behind positivity because let’s be real, life is beautiful but it is also hard and very difficult at times. The thing I find funny about the choas and finally letting people know about the struggles is that so many people just want to hug you and let it be known that you are not the only one! We are all struggling in some kind of way and that is ok because life damn sure doesn’t come with an instruction manual and we are all doing our best to “figure it out”.
This year I am all about finding the right balance that I need to keep pushing. I am on a mission to find my focus in life and the one thing I don’t want to continue to do is give all my energy to someone else’s dream and in return neglect my craft because I’m “too tired” to follow my own. I just want to be great and I want my family to be great but first I need to embrace the choas with the positive in life so that I am able to cherish it all. I am a work in progress just trying embrace my growth while also learning from my setbacks. Tell me you can relate!