Writing: Progress of a Writer

Writing: Progress of a Writer

 

The Reality

Writing has always been a safe haven for me throughout my life. It was always my way of escaping my life on a daily basis. So if you didn’t catch me outside with the neighborhood kids then I was probably laying on the floor at my grandmother’s feet working on a poem or something. Many times during my childhood I would write a short story or act out one of my plays just to escape the chaos around me. Writing quickly became my home away from home and no one had access but me!

Even to this day, writing still remains my favorite place to go when I feel like things aren’t making sense. However, something that I have realized over the years is just like any other relationship in my life, writing has its ups and downs.

let’s just say, I am my own worse enemy when it comes to a lot of things in my life and writing is no different. I am constantly questioning whether or not my writing is good enough, not just for others but for myself as well. Every time I write a post, I literally have to have my cheer squad (my family of course!) cheer me on just to press the post button cause I just want it to be good enough! Funny, I know! but who doesn’t like a little bit of motivation from their biggest support? It’s the little things like that, that keep me going some days.

I always find it difficult to qualify myself as a writer and that throws me for a loop! For me, the fact that I haven’t published anything is what keeps me from acknowledging myself as a writer. Lately though, the more I work on my novel the more confident I am becoming! I  am also working on other short stories and poetry as well as reading a lot more. One book that has been a great inspiration to me is Jeff Goins: You are a Writer (so start ACTING like one). It wasn’t until I read this book that I was confident enough to call myself a writer. He really does a great job of helping me realize that I am a writer no matter what stumbling blocks I’ve encountered. Having reading inspiration helps keep me focused on perfecting my craft and I definitely recommend checking this book out!

The journey of exploring my passion for writing has been a fun experience but it has definitely been pushing me out of my comfort zone too! Writing means baring your soul for the world to see and allowing people in to your personal creative side. Nevertheless, Every part of this journey motivates me to continue growing not only as a writer but also as a person.       

What helps keep you motivated with your writing?

 

 

 

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Ranting: Excuse my language!

Ranting: Excuse my language!

 

Warning: This is me ranting so read at your own risk!

Hello fellow bloggers and people of the internet! I’ve been working on controlling my anger for the past couple of months so I am definitely in need of a release and having a good ole ranting session is what I decided on, so here goes!

Why can’t people say things out of their mouth and actually mean what they say? I swear for the fucking life of me I just don’t get it. If you know that what you are agreeing to or committing to is something that you don’t have the discipline or just plain fucks to give on the subject then just mind your fucking business and stay in the lane that is provided for you! I mean seriously! It would help make life so much easier for the people depending on your word.

Playing victim in a situation you’ve created. Omg! This shit right here drives me absolutely insane!! Seriously grow the fuck up! We are adults! If you make a choice to do or say something that you know will have adverse affects then be prepared for the consequences that come along with it! Don’t pretend like you don’t understand the emotion being handed to you just own up to your shit and make it right.

My next rant is about reaching out and spending time. Now even I can admit that I haven’t always been good at this one so I am a lot more understanding. However, it still sucks and therefore it is part of my rant today. If a person is taking the time to put in effort and reach out and spend time with you but you always blow them off don’t accuse them of switching up on you when they decide to take a step back. We are all busy and life is happening not just for you and me but everybody! If for some reason you just don’t want to be around that person maybe letting them know would be a better option then allowing them to waste their time on you.

Yeah I understand that sometimes life sucks but be considerate of others, life is happening to them too!

Have a great day!

 

 

 

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Moments of Self Reflection #2

Moments of Self Reflection #2

Conversations of Love

This Month’s moments of self-reflection topic holds dear to my heart because it’s all about conversations of love. These conversations either helped to inspire, build a bond of trust, or were just long overdue. For the sake of healthy relationships, it’s important to remember to take the time and actually focus on communicating with those that are important to us. This is a lesson that took me a while to learn. When you don’t grow up with a good role model of how to establish a relationship with someone, it’s especially difficult to maintain one. The foundation of any relationship should be communication. Whether it’s a friendship, a marriage, or a relationship between family members, always be open to talking. Many times relationships are damaged due to the simple fact that life gets busy. However, there should be no excuses that keep us from those that are important to us. We all go through things in life and these recent conversations of love helped me to realize that even when you’re battling your own storm to not forget that others may be going through a storm of their own as well.

Words of Worth

A recent message from a friend prompted a conversation of inspiration. Having known this friend for a long time yet not having a consistent communication over the years, made this situation extra special. I was able to assist a friend during a moment of feeling unworthy. Many times in life we allow other’s words to determine our self-worth. We tend to forget that a person’s treatment towards us is based on their perception of life and has nothing to do with us. Reminding my dear friend that it is us who give away the power for other’s to determine our self-worth. Constantly worrying about who other’s want us to be and whether they approve is what diminishes our self-worth. We then lose focus of who we are and what values are important to us because we are to focused on whether society is pleased with us. Dear friend, you are a good person of great character. Do not allow anyone to break your spirit. Please remember that we all make mistakes in life but we cannot allow them to determine who we are. We live, we learn, and we grow! Your strength lies within your growth, take credit for all that you’ve worked hard to achieve, and embrace your journey!

Words of Love, Long Overdue

This conversation of Love was one that was long overdue yet patience and time was necessary for it to come about. As I stated before, so many things get in the way of communication within relationships. Episodes of anxiety and depression also play a significant role in this family relationship as well. With every word left unsaid, is a thought left in the mind of the other that they are not needed. The thought that you are no longer an important part of their world. However, instead of reaching out to solve the issue, time ticks away. Mentally, neither of them are in a position to comfort or be there for the other because what little strength they have they must use for themselves. In reality, they both face the same self-torture yet neither of them were aware due to lack of communication. During moments of anxiety and depression, people tend to distance themselves from those they love. Distancing oneself is never done out of spite but because the depressed person does not want to burden those they love. Although their intentions are good, it many times has an adverse affect. Making loved ones feel ignored and left with hurt feelings. That in return just starts a vicious cycle of damage to the relationship most times. Taking a moment to understand that they both faced the same storm was a moment of clarity for them. Clarity in the fact that regardless of what they were facing they needed to be there to catch one another. Clarity in knowing that they were a major part of each other’s world and knowing that they were each other’s inspiration. These words of love and forgiveness were long overdue for them but they came right on time.

Words of Trust & Unconditional Love

There are moments in parenthood that are going to throw us for a curve and we just have to plant our feet and hold still. Creating a bond of love and trust with our children is important. Being able to have an open line of communication with them is detrimental to the relationship. Working on these bonds with our children should start early. It is important for them to know that they can come to us, their parents and talk to us without having to face over reaction, judgement and harsh criticism. This next conversation is a beautiful one of trust between a parent and a child. This beautiful young soul walked around with such a heavy burden on her heart. Scared of whether she would be judged was one fear but the worry of acceptance and love by her parents was her ultimate fear. After sharing her burdens with her older sister she tried to gather up the courage to say the words. Her fear stopped her in her tracks and she remained silent. Her parents handled the situation with a great sense of care, patience and understanding. She was able to express herself and go to sleep feeling confident in who she is. The bond of trust and communication displayed in this moment was pure. She took great pride in knowing that she had such a strong and loving support system around her. In knowing this, she felt confident enough to face the world. The courage and trust that this young lady and family exhibited was one of beauty and grace!

Reflections

I am thankful for the opportunity to have been a part of these conversations in some way or another. Within each experience a different lesson is learned and that’s what my journey is about. Taking the time to observe and establish the relationships in my life rather than react to them. Learning to communicate better and work to repair those relationships lost to miscommunication. I’m not looking to revive a bunch of dead relationships. However, it is important to me to maintain the relationships in my life so that they remain healthy.

 Don’t be shy, Can you think of any moments of self-reflection that have been on your mind lately? If so, leave a comment below!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog post!

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Moments of Self Reflection

Moments of Self Reflection

Personal Inventory of a Beautiful Mess

Self reflection is something that I tend to do often but it has an adverse affect on me. Instead of me taking the personal inventory that I’ve collected to better myself, I take it and beat myself down.

We all know that saying, “You are your own worse enemy”. Well it’s almost as though it defines exactly who I am, sadly. I realize now that I’ve been such an enemy to myself that it’s affected so many relationships in my life.

I’ve had many moments of drowning myself in such negative thoughts that I’ve unintentionally and sometimes intentionally, pushed people away from me. I mean, how can I trust someone else with my heart and my thoughts if I can’t even begin to trust myself? How could I allow anyone to see what I see of myself?

How can I say that I truly love someone when I don’t even know how to love myself properly? I’ve even questioned and tortured myself with whether or not I was even worthy of others love, so in return I would refuse to love myself because I myself was not worthy of my own love. These are just a few of the questions that haunt my soul on a regular basis. My inner voice can be cruel and manipulative.

Do you know how low of a point in life one must be to not feel they are worthy enough to love themselves?  It is a lonely, dark, and unforgiving place!

I apologize sincerely,

I dread those moments dearly! I don’t wish them on my worst enemy! I don’t wish them on me any longer either!

I am sorry to all the people in my life, at some point or another, that I have hurt. I am sorry that the lack of love I had for myself reflected in the way I tried to love you.

I apologize for not being able to be there for you because I had no understanding of what it meant to you at the time.

For my absence in my life and yours, I apologize sincerely.

I apologize for staying silent when I should have let you know how I felt to help us build a stronger bond. For my lack of voice and standing up for us, I apologize sincerely.

I apologize for shutting you out before giving you the opportunity to accept me or for me to accept you, for that I sincerely apologize.

 I apologize for not knowing how to be a friend when I promised I did. For the distance, isolation, and judgement, I sincerely apologize.

Most of all, I apologize to myself for not taking the time and having the patience to understand who I am and forcing you to live in the who you were and live with the ideas of how you grew up.

I am a work in progress. I am learning to admit my faults and hold myself accountable because being unaware is no longer acceptable. I want to cherish life and the few people who I have remaining in mines as well. I no longer wish to hold on to negativity and allow it to hinder my growth!

I accept that I am a beautiful mess but I’m not done yet!

 

 

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The Way He Cares For Me

The Way He Cares For Me

Good Morning Mama!

“Good Morning Mama, are you hungry?” my son says to me. Oh how I love the way he cares for me! He is quiet and a bit mysterious and while it can be frustrating at times, I have to admit that it’s one of his best qualities! My son, the only boy, what a special place he holds in my heart! He is growing into a young man so fast and I’m just trying to keep up.

I remember being pregnant with him and not knowing what was going to happen or where we going to end up but I loved him, I needed him. He was someone who would hold on to me and love me forever. No matter what I did and who I was or wasn’t, he was going to love me regardless. I didn’t have a dime to my name or a father to hold on to for him but I carried him proudly because we were a team! He gave me hope. He made me realize what true unconditional love meant because before this I had never felt it and what an amazing feeling it was!

Now here he is 13 years old! Where has the time gone? I sit back and think about all the mistakes I’ve made as a parent and I beat myself down. But then my baby comes in the room and says “Good morning mama!, are you hungry?” and I’m not so hard on myself anymore. Those words while they may seem so simple to some, they mean the absolute world to me! It lets me know that I taught him to care and most importantly he cares about his mama.

The funny thing is we sit and have grown up conversations. He is a young man and I intend to treat him as such. Which in turns means that during these real conversations he gets to see his mom as a human being. He understands that I make mistakes and I also need to acknowledge them and make them right as I expect him to.

As he continues to grow into the awesome young man I know he will be, I take great pleasure in watching and being a part of his journey, are my thoughts as I enjoy the delicious french toast he cooked.

His love, patience, and care reflects in his food and I am a proud mama all over again.

 

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