Ranting: Excuse my language!

Ranting: Excuse my language!

 

Warning: This is me ranting so read at your own risk!

Hello fellow bloggers and people of the internet! I’ve been working on controlling my anger for the past couple of months so I am definitely in need of a release and having a good ole ranting session is what I decided on, so here goes!

Why can’t people say things out of their mouth and actually mean what they say? I swear for the fucking life of me I just don’t get it. If you know that what you are agreeing to or committing to is something that you don’t have the discipline or just plain fucks to give on the subject then just mind your fucking business and stay in the lane that is provided for you! I mean seriously! It would help make life so much easier for the people depending on your word.

Playing victim in a situation you’ve created. Omg! This shit right here drives me absolutely insane!! Seriously grow the fuck up! We are adults! If you make a choice to do or say something that you know will have adverse affects then be prepared for the consequences that come along with it! Don’t pretend like you don’t understand the emotion being handed to you just own up to your shit and make it right.

My next rant is about reaching out and spending time. Now even I can admit that I haven’t always been good at this one so I am a lot more understanding. However, it still sucks and therefore it is part of my rant today. If a person is taking the time to put in effort and reach out and spend time with you but you always blow them off don’t accuse them of switching up on you when they decide to take a step back. We are all busy and life is happening not just for you and me but everybody! If for some reason you just don’t want to be around that person maybe letting them know would be a better option then allowing them to waste their time on you.

Yeah I understand that sometimes life sucks but be considerate of others, life is happening to them too!

Have a great day!

 

 

 

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The Way She Loves

The Way She Loves

The Way She Loves

The way she loves,

Harsh and cruel is her inner critic.

Her mental wrath is swift and vicious.

She breaths tortured thoughts into an already broken soul, which harbors every word.

The pain she endures runs deep into treacherous territory,

Oh, the way she loves.

Her path unclear and filled with trepidation.

Lost within the world of tortured thoughts of past, present, and future,

The anxiety of the known and unknown weighing her down like an anchor.

Oh, the way she loves.

Where does she go from here?

How does she break free of the voice that has haunted her since childhood?

To let it go would be unrealistic.

Unrealistic due to her lack of understanding the “why”.

Searching for answers of understanding yet afraid to confront the outcome.

Oh, the way she loves.

Why do you care so much?

Do you find delight in the pain and self-torture that is afflicted upon those who haven’t been taught to love themselves?

Silently, she sits as you damage your soul question after question, with no answer to comfort the weakened eyes staring in the mirror,

No consoling the voice crying out for insight.

Oh, the way she loves.

Question after question and still no response,

Oh how she plays this game with the best tactics.

She is well aware that a mere response will bring comfort, while silence to the over thinker can be detrimental to one’s mentality.

Boisterous, obnoxious, intoxicating love is what holds her heart hostage.

Is this the way of love?

Maybe not, but it’s the way she loves.

From past and present experiences, she knows that love is reckless and cuts deep.

However, she wears her scars well without necessary repair.

The way she loves is the only love she has ever known,

Dysfunctional, angry, resentful love is the atmosphere where her love resides.

And this, is the way she loves.

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That Dreaded “A” word….Anxiety!

That Dreaded “A” word….Anxiety!

 Anxiety! Oh how you cripple me and make me feel worthless…..I absolutely dread this feeling! That awful feeling of panic, worry, and overwhelming fear. Scared and nervous, of what exactly?….I don’t really know…

I can’t grasp what’s wrong. Is there something wrong? Why am I so emotional? Why do I feel worthless and unloved? Am I tripping? I can’t think straight!

And the tears start to flow…Yup! there goes that river.

If only people could understand how my mind tortures me. Hell! I’d settle for me understanding because I swear after years of being acquainted, I still am not familiar as to why you make your presence known. Oh, Anxiety!

It’s almost as if I can’t turn my thoughts off or even slow them down. Mental overload, yet a debilitating, crippling mental overload!

Mentally, physically, and emotionally, I am overwhelmed and drained! My mind is exhausted. My body is tired and hurting, Damn you Anxiety!

I feel like crying most days and at the weirdest of moments without even having an explanation as to why….

I mean how does a person go through life on a daily basis trying to perform as a contributing adult when they just want to crawl into a corner and let the river flow?

How does a person feel like they have no control over any aspect of life yet walk around with a smile on their face?

I don’t really know. I never really know, I just do…

All these questions have my heart racing, honestly it feels as though my heart is going to pound out of my chest!

Anxiety, please don’t!

Breathe, is what I keep telling myself but it doesn’t help.

Two puffs on my asthma inhaler, and a long deep breath……

 My breathing is steady but my nerves are shot and my mind is still racing…….Anxiety, I guess you win this round….

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Trust, what does it mean to you?

Trust, what does it mean to you?

Trust. A five letter word that isn’t easy to gain access to but is so easily taken for granted.

Why do we work so hard to gain trust yet we can disregard it without a thought as to how it will affect us or those we care about in the end.

It’s almost as if we expect that trust between us and another person to just be guaranteed and that’s not how it works.

People tend to forget that we have to work just as hard to keep someone’s trust as we did to gain it. It has to be a constant effort on a daily basis to hold on to it or it will fade away like lost memories.

Nonetheless, it’s understandable that perception differs from person to person, so I ask with an open mind, what does trust mean to you and how do you choose to nurture it?

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